Just what I needed to hear...

Before I go into who I am and what force provokes me to add yet one more item to my seemingly unending "to do" list...a BLOG...please allow me to vent for a moment first. I promise, I'll tell you all about me, what makes me tick, what ticks me off, my family life, my social life and oh yes, my professional life. It will be out there for the world to see --- judgments be damned!

And here's my first dribble of insecurity, my biggest nagging threat to my sanity right now...my stay-at-home-mom friends, who I positively love, adore, respect and envy on many an occasion, who say they have no time. This statement scares the living crap out of me on so many levels, mainly because it causes me to stop and think how precious little time I personally have as a stay-at-work mom.

The "I never have time to read a book anymore" is an acceptable, legitimate quandry. Children do not equal solid chunks of time to read books...unless you are an insomniac like me. In which case, get cracking on "Eat, Pray, Love"! I hear it's the book to read. Nope, this small, trite complaint doesn't bunch my panties in a wad. I will complain with my SAHM all day about not knowing what to make for dinner after shuttling them back and forth to their activities all afternoon and weekend. Yep, I feel your pain, sister, I'm right there with you. Motherhood is a real time drainer, no doubt about that. Pizza or McDonald's? Wait --- there might be some dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets in my freezer along with an old bag of frozen tater tots (and no, they are NOT organic - shudder!!!)

When I hear of friends who decide to quit their jobs or give up their other professional aspirations in lieu of being a mother, it literally makes every twinge of guilt I have ever had for the past 7 years jump out of my chest and dance around the room, feeling like it's taunting me with "I told you so! Your children are only young once! Work will always be there!" (The exclamation points, admittedly, are probably only in my head, not anyone else's). If my friends feel like they must take a step back and put everything else on hold, I respect them for making that undoubtedly difficult decision, obviously one that's right for them and their families. But when I turn the mirror on myself, I wonder what the heck does that say about my own mothering and working decisions? Certainly not a screaming endorsement for "Mother of the Year"...and I'm definitely not "VP of the Year" either. Which really puts a major buzzkill on my mood tonight. I wonder if my SAHM friends must think that I'm terribly selfish for not being there at 2:30 when the bell rings at school or having client dinners in Atlanta when my children are at Chick-Fil-A with their grandfather. And then I curse myself for playing into the "Mommy Wars" and questioning my own decisions...never mind Afghanistan, that's the real war that seemingly will never come to an end.

I think I'll go watch "True Blood". At least I don't wait tables and have vampires trying to suck the life out of me everywhere I go. That's got to count for something. More explanation tomorrow. Back to work Monday and that always provides for plenty of musing fodder as the anxiety of new week and and uphill, long climb to Friday begins all over again.

Later this week - introduction to me and my internal and external challenges, struggling to be a great wife and mother (notice I did not say perfect) and a great VP of Sales for my consulting firm. Mommy by Morning, VP by Day, Exhausted and Cracked Wide Open Wife by Night.

Sound familiar to anyone?